Book Trailers

One of the highlights of life (along with white elephant parties and Disneyland) is the Book Trailer.

Once upon a time, some genius up in publisher heaven took a good long look at a book, figured that nobody liked to read books any more, and came up with the concept that if they made the book look like a home movie, everyone would want to buy it. If they had time to think this through a little more, they might realize that the people who are actually . . . quirky enough to buy something based off a book trailer will probably be disappointed when they open up the book and it doesn't just play them a blockbuster film. But they didn't have time to think it through.They had other important things to do. Like rejecting that stupid new manuscript that just came in- something about Harry Potter, because that's not going anywhere.

So book trailers were born. Even though they continue to scare away readers everywhere, they still remain to be the most hilarious things on YouTube. Sorry, Kid History.

One of the most incredible things about book trailers is their unending talent to take an awesome book and give it bad contacts, crappy blue screens, and horrible acting. You can't see these when you read the book, but apparently they're there.

I guess in publisher heaven, they see this as their form of a music video or something. But book people should be book people, and movie people should be movie people.

Here's a countdown of my all time favorites:

3. Clockwork Prince

Fine, it's true, I read the first one. But if the second's going to be all about people in masks and girls that look freakishly like Josh Hutcherson . . . no, I'm good.

2. Graceling 

I've never read this book. This trailer is the reason why. My favorite part? The dude with the eye patch. Or maybe it's the snow special effects. 

Diamondback Cave

Yeah, so I did read this one. But I was eight. This book trailer can make me laugh no matter what. Lost your wallet?  Diamondback Cave trailer. Foot run over by a bus? Diamondback Cave trailer. House burned down? Diamondback Cave trailer. It's something about the kid who looks like Tom Felton, mixed with the bomb that's really a kitchen timer. Add the guy pretending to be blind. And top it off with, "I know what my last words are going to be." 

And then they kiss. 

Interesting words. 

I could quote this thing forever. 

Actually I do.