Thursday, November 22, 2012

I thank you randomly.

  1. Thank you to English, for acknowledging that pink is a color even when nobody else feels like it.
  2. Thank you long phone warantees. Like, four times.
  3. Thank you Twilight because now vampires are officially overdone and people have to find new supernatural themes for romance novels. I appreciate this so much.
  4. Thank you Carly Rae Jepson for inspiring me to never listen to the radio again.
  5. That may not even be how to spell her name.
  6. Thank you to the people who helped design and fund the really awesome room I'm writing a blog post in, because although I'm too lazy to upload a picture, if I did upload a picture, you would be very impressed. I couldn't have modgepodged every surface and/or spraypainted it orange without them.
  7. Thank you face wash.
  8. Thank you Vlogbrothers for helping me waste spend like four hours in two days.
  9. I just had Deja Vu.
  10. Thanks to the French for giving really elegant names to things like snails and "HOLY CRAP I HAD A DREAM ABOUT THIS."

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Things I've Learned in High School

Settled into the first few months of a new year, I've learned a few things from high school I didn't know before. I've been building up a list:

Patience pays off
Publisher Heaven gave me a little present this fall and it wasn't the Hunger Games parallel novel.  . . . whatever. This is a short story I wrote, submitted, and was accepted for publishing by a kid's magazine when I was in . . . sixth grade? It was published this fall.

How to buy knee-high socks like a PRO
Because there is no competition when it comes to buying knee-high socks. $4.80 at Forever 21. My favorite high school accessory. Because nothing says high school like ripping off Emma Stone costumes. Nothing. 

The benefits and drawbacks of writing speeches at 2 a.m. 
Tiring as Speech and Debate tournaments can be . . . my oratory speech worked out okay. 

How to play Craps
I don't actually know how to play Craps. But I know more than your average fifteen year-old who isn't in statistics class. Basically you win with a seven or eleven and you sing elaborate musical numbers while you play it. Guess what the school musical is. Go back to the last sentence and click on the link. One more guess. 

That Disney bought Star Wars and is going to make three new movies
Wait- there was something Disney didn't own already?

And check this out if you want to see something really cool that doesn't make any sense. Apparently my favorite kind.

Friday, August 17, 2012

Lauren's been cheating on you. Check out her new book blog

If you were counting on your summer being full of dramatically lounging on a 50's beach chair and wearing your swimsuit accessorized with very heavy jewelry and lipstick, you've probably been disappointed by now. Not only were the 50's beach chairs just like ours, but not everyone's summer consists of 116 days at the beach. Unless you live on the cover of Seventeen magazine, your summer is going to take you plenty of places besides the California coast. For a realistic teen reader, you're going to need more than a cutesy book with a pink cover to get you through. Appearing with the right book can help you through whatever your summer has in store- even if it isn't a magazine cover shoot.

Check the new blog in full here- and make sure to follow for weekly updates!

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Why I Need to Move to New York (Spiderman Review)

Before I begin this review, you should know that I know how to correctly write 'Spider-Man'. I've just have decided to be the one sane person on the earth and write it without the hyphen. No other superhero needs a hyphen in their name to be cool. 

It seems like the only kind of reviews I post are good ones. We're going to need to shake this up, but probably not today. Today, we're all going to move to New York and pray we're attacked by a giant lizard. Hopefully Andrew Garfield will rescue us and slip up on the American accent while he's at it. When was the last time we had a good, old fashioned British superhero?   

All movie critics, teenage girls, and geeks are looking into whether or not it's legal to crown Andrew Garfield king of everything to the right of Venus in the solar system. But really, they'll probably go through with it whether it's legal or not. 

King of the Galaxy aside, the movie left me and probably the rest of the world with some questions. I've taken the liberty of not only being anti-hyphen but also organized today, and I've arranged them into a list.

Why did it take us this long to realize Peter Parker had parents?  I've sat through three of these movies already, and all of the sudden my jaw drops as I realize- I never thought about it before. I assumed the poor little orphan bit was Stan Lee's sentimental streak. Apparently he doesn't have one, and there's a story behind it instead. The new subplot keeps this show fresh, even if the Toby Maguire version is all that's ever in the car on road trips and you've seen it seventeen times.

Are we going to put a cap on how old you can be and still play a seventeen year old? Andrew Garfield is almost 29. While he and Emma Stone can pull off high school in skateboarding and hair ribbons glory like nobody's business, (more on that in five seconds) this is starting to get a little ridiculous. I know that we want mature and established actors and whatnot. But I don't want that kind of sensible trash answer. Just look me in the eyes, Hollywood, and tell me the truth. How long until we see Robert Downey, Jr. in a letterman jacket?

What gene of too-much-coolness was Steve Kloves born with? This guy somehow woke up one day, pounded out the screenplays of eight Harry Potter movies, and not a full year later, had it in him to whip out Spiderman. He was able to juggle about five different plots throughout the show without giving anyone a headache. Superhero origin stories can be so CGI packed and tacky they feel like oatmeal going down- at least to anybody who would choose life over comic books. But Steve Kloves wrote this movie just right- sprinkling in enough sincerity and jokes anybody can enjoy it. This guy must have something the rest of us don't have. Besides about fifty gazillion dollars by now.

Where do I cast my King of the Galaxy vote? It's hard to keep a cap on my annoying-ness when we come to this part- so I'll stick to the basics. Somebody is an awesome casting director. Whoever has ever been involved in casting Andrew Garfield in basically anything is an awesome casting director. He's able to adapt to any character anybody throws at him somehow- even if that character is twelve years younger than he is, and a socially awkward science nerd/skater from New York. After seeing this movie, I couldn't believe people when they told me he wasn't really American. I couldn't believe people when they told me he wasn't really SPIDERMAN. Since I've seen the movie, I've seen interviews with him on TV, and he does this weird thing in every one where he pretends to be a prim little British man that parts his hair.

I was considering posting "Where does Emma Stone buy all of her skirts?", "Why do Americans feel like the bad guy always has to be British?", "How does Toby Maguire feel about his life, now the perfect Peter Parker's been found and all that's left for him is Nick Carraway in The Great Gatsby?". However, I promised you this post four days or something ago, and it would take me four days or something to wrap this up. Extreme home make-overs and internships keep getting in my way of blogging.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

My Life as a French Translator, a Pioneer, and an International Art Thief

I spent June speaking only in French at an immersion program, which I like telling people because it makes me sound much better at French than I am. When I say this, most people raise their eyebrows and say, "Ohhhhh." (Read: You're intimidating. I took five years of French in school but now have no desire to try communicating with you because you'll just embarrass me with all your effortlessly conjugated verbs.)

If you looked more into it, I would eventually have to admit the truth. They say the best way to learn a language is to act like a baby. And that's great, because for three weeks, I understood about as much of what went on as an American baby. Well, okay, maybe as much as a French baby.

But I look like I get what's happening, right?
That's my cousin I'm holding in the far left corner. He actually is a baby, and I when I lived with him and his  family while I went at camp, I spoke French to him all time, because I'm good at saying, "Tu est tres mignion!" and I know my colors.

I actually did improve a lot, know how to conjugate verbs now, and performed a French play. I catch on pretty quickly, but there was a lot for me to catch on to. It was a little funny to go to a camp with homework and notes while the 5,000 EFY kids on campus had flirting classes and devotionals with pizza (or whatever they do- I wouldn't know: I've never been to EFY and don't really plan on it soon).

Next up on my list of endless summer parties was Pioneer Trek. This was incredibly thrilling. 

I spent the time along the trail using my new French skills to translate One Direction lyrics. I figure if my friends are bent on converting me to the biggest fandom in the world, I can at least be the weird girl in the back of the concert that's belting the lyrics out in a language nobody knows. Chérie, tu lumiere mon monde comme ne personne!

In Park City this week, I finally came up with some genuinely impressive things to tell people I did this summer. First, I crashed an art gallery opening. They had caviar and everything. Okay, so it was a little art gallery. My go-to past time this summer has been re-reading Ally Carter heist novels, and I was all over anything even close to worth dramatically stealing. I tried really hard not to put my hand up to the invisible comms unit in my ear and tell my team the rappelling cables were ready. Also, I resisted the urge to put sunglasses on indoors, and say something like, "It's time to turn this plane around, boys," which has probably happened more than once in a Ally Carter heist novel. And at least one of the two times, they weren't even in a plane.

I wasn't in the mood to smile. You have to act like you're on the cover of a Justin Bieber album when you're about to pull off an international heist.

Oh! And by request, I was going to post my Amazing Spiderman review. Yeah, I feel special. We have requests now, ladies and gentlemen. Call our toll-free hotline along with my 5,000,000 other followers and maybe if you're lucky I'll review your movie.

Movie review tomorrow.