The 14 Obstacles of Christmas (Standing Between Me and My Nook)

1. Santa's elves are behind on the whole concept of "technology". (Cut them some slack; they've succeeded for centuries of Christmases without the use of a WiiMote. Times change, however.)

2. My Netbook arrived Christmas morning, shiny, new, metaphorically wrapped in a ribbon, and . . . busted. (Santa's local helpers were not to blame.)

3. After a weekend of living with a very happy family, consisting of one sister reveling in her new phone (age eleven), another flashing pictures at me with her new camera wherever I went (age eight), and a third that would die for the Wii (age three), melodramatic tears were reflected in the screen of my still unresponsive Netbook.

4. Arriving (finally) at Best Buy for an exchange, Mr. Geek Squad feels inclined to inform us that Netbooks are extremely lame anyway.

5. Also, he tries to sell us on the iPad. (Which wasn't that difficult, because really, who doesn't want an iPad?)

6. Seeing as an iPad costs about five times as much as we were planning on spending, my dad asks if I would be so kind as to put $100 toward it in my own money. (Yes, it took a long time, but I have finally pulled myself out of the I O MOM debt that has been crushing me for a year and a half, and have $200 to my name.) So of course I would be willing to sacrifice for an iPad.

7. Mom vetoes the stupid idea.

8. She also suggests a Kindle, which Santa's elves would have brought me Christmas morning in the first place, she admits, were it not due to the fact I let slip: I would "feel like a traitor reading books on a screen". (I took it back.)

9. Best Buy is all out of Kindles.

10. After several minutes of Droid Internet browsing, we learn that sentence rings true for virtually every Best Buy in the world.

11. Desperate, I grab a Nook off a shelf and beg.

12. I grab a Nook cover off a shelf and beg.

13. I race home, plug my Nook in, and plan to spend a fortune on eBooks in the next half hour.

14. Wouldn't you know it, there's a problem with our B&N account.

Lauren is now happily enjoying the benefits of a FINALLY working Nook. She takes back everything she ever said about how evil they are. And yes, she is back to living I O MOM life, because $9.99 seems a lot cheaper on a screen.