It seems like the only kind of reviews I post are good ones. We're going to need to shake this up, but probably not today. Today, we're all going to move to New York and pray we're attacked by a giant lizard. Hopefully Andrew Garfield will rescue us and slip up on the American accent while he's at it. When was the last time we had a good, old fashioned British superhero?
All movie critics, teenage girls, and geeks are looking into whether or not it's legal to crown Andrew Garfield king of everything to the right of Venus in the solar system. But really, they'll probably go through with it whether it's legal or not.
King of the Galaxy aside, the movie left me and probably the rest of the world with some questions. I've taken the liberty of not only being anti-hyphen but also organized today, and I've arranged them into a list.
Why did it take us this long to realize Peter Parker had parents? I've sat through three of these movies already, and all of the sudden my jaw drops as I realize- I never thought about it before. I assumed the poor little orphan bit was Stan Lee's sentimental streak. Apparently he doesn't have one, and there's a story behind it instead. The new subplot keeps this show fresh, even if the Toby Maguire version is all that's ever in the car on road trips and you've seen it seventeen times.
Are we going to put a cap on how old you can be and still play a seventeen year old? Andrew Garfield is almost 29. While he and Emma Stone can pull off high school in skateboarding and hair ribbons glory like nobody's business, (more on that in five seconds) this is starting to get a little ridiculous. I know that we want mature and established actors and whatnot. But I don't want that kind of sensible trash answer. Just look me in the eyes, Hollywood, and tell me the truth. How long until we see Robert Downey, Jr. in a letterman jacket?
What gene of too-much-coolness was Steve Kloves born with? This guy somehow woke up one day, pounded out the screenplays of eight Harry Potter movies, and not a full year later, had it in him to whip out Spiderman. He was able to juggle about five different plots throughout the show without giving anyone a headache. Superhero origin stories can be so CGI packed and tacky they feel like oatmeal going down- at least to anybody who would choose life over comic books. But Steve Kloves wrote this movie just right- sprinkling in enough sincerity and jokes anybody can enjoy it. This guy must have something the rest of us don't have. Besides about fifty gazillion dollars by now.
Where do I cast my King of the Galaxy vote? It's hard to keep a cap on my annoying-ness when we come to this part- so I'll stick to the basics. Somebody is an awesome casting director. Whoever has ever been involved in casting Andrew Garfield in basically anything is an awesome casting director. He's able to adapt to any character anybody throws at him somehow- even if that character is twelve years younger than he is, and a socially awkward science nerd/skater from New York. After seeing this movie, I couldn't believe people when they told me he wasn't really American. I couldn't believe people when they told me he wasn't really SPIDERMAN. Since I've seen the movie, I've seen interviews with him on TV, and he does this weird thing in every one where he pretends to be a prim little British man that parts his hair.
I was considering posting "Where does Emma Stone buy all of her skirts?", "Why do Americans feel like the bad guy always has to be British?", "How does Toby Maguire feel about his life, now the perfect Peter Parker's been found and all that's left for him is Nick Carraway in The Great Gatsby?". However, I promised you this post four days or something ago, and it would take me four days or something to wrap this up. Extreme home make-overs and internships keep getting in my way of blogging.
Why did it take us this long to realize Peter Parker had parents? I've sat through three of these movies already, and all of the sudden my jaw drops as I realize- I never thought about it before. I assumed the poor little orphan bit was Stan Lee's sentimental streak. Apparently he doesn't have one, and there's a story behind it instead. The new subplot keeps this show fresh, even if the Toby Maguire version is all that's ever in the car on road trips and you've seen it seventeen times.
Where do I cast my King of the Galaxy vote? It's hard to keep a cap on my annoying-ness when we come to this part- so I'll stick to the basics. Somebody is an awesome casting director. Whoever has ever been involved in casting Andrew Garfield in basically anything is an awesome casting director. He's able to adapt to any character anybody throws at him somehow- even if that character is twelve years younger than he is, and a socially awkward science nerd/skater from New York. After seeing this movie, I couldn't believe people when they told me he wasn't really American. I couldn't believe people when they told me he wasn't really SPIDERMAN. Since I've seen the movie, I've seen interviews with him on TV, and he does this weird thing in every one where he pretends to be a prim little British man that parts his hair.I was considering posting "Where does Emma Stone buy all of her skirts?", "Why do Americans feel like the bad guy always has to be British?", "How does Toby Maguire feel about his life, now the perfect Peter Parker's been found and all that's left for him is Nick Carraway in The Great Gatsby?". However, I promised you this post four days or something ago, and it would take me four days or something to wrap this up. Extreme home make-overs and internships keep getting in my way of blogging.
Um, are you sure you are only 15? So how are we going to convince the family that we all need to go see this on Pioneer Day?
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